fear grips you

12:00 AM

View from the "monkey tree." #nofilter

I knew I was going to have to face it sooner or later. If I'm honest with myself, I was hoping it would be later. But it wasn't. It was last week.

If you've followed this blog for some time, you might remember that in January of 2009, our home in S. Africa was broken into during the night, while we were sleeping. I felt violated. I felt vulnerable. I felt I wasn't safe. It was such a difficult thing to walk through as I processed what it meant to walk in fear versus walk in faith.

Fast forward four years. When we made the decision to move back here, I knew, in the back of my head, that I would have to walk through this all over again, because you see, fear has a way of rearing its ugly head, over and over. Since being back, I've put security in knowing Jeremy was right beside me every night. As comforting as that is, my security can't be in him. It has to be in God.

Last week Jeremy was away in Cape Town for several days. I had a few people praying for me in this fear thing, because suddenly my "security" was gone. Not only was he gone, but bad storms rolled in and knocked the power out one night. I wouldn't say that I've come out the other side totally, but I will say that I'm getting closer. I think it started with me admitting to myself and even friends that fear was there and that I needed prayer. It felt vulnerable but getting it out in the open is the first step, I believe, to conquering it.

And conquer it I will, because if left alone, fear grips you. It paralyzes you. It begins to dictate your actions. I don't want to live in that kind of bondage, so put my faith, security, and trust in God, I will.

Ok, that's all for my vulnerable confession. Happy Thursday, friends. And Happy Valentine's Day. :)

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8 comments

  1. Thanks for sharing with courageous honesty. By giving voice to your fear, you're weakening it. Good work :)

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  2. I understand this fear so well. I agree with Erica - by voicing your fear, it loses some of its power!

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  3. Saying a special prayer for you, dear Jen. Happy Valentine's Day to you and your sweet family. blessings ~ tanna

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  4. I completely understand your fear. I lived in fear for quite awhile after Chris was first diagnosed with cancer. I finally came to a place of really understand how His strength is made perfect in our weakness. I'm so glad you are on your way to conquering your fear! You can overcome in His strength!

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  5. I understand fear too, Jen. Thank you so much for sharing your heart so honestly. You are in my thoughts and prayers! xo

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  6. One of my favourite scriptures is "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." It's such a help that I can ask God for more of His Spirit in times like those.

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  7. Love the introspection here. I hope your fear abates with time my friend.

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  8. I'm glad you were able to face up to it and let it go - thank you for sharing

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